Bringing home the Bacon

Puncture at 4 miles - £4.99
Puncture at 29 miles - £4.99
Two inner tubes given to stranded cyclists - £9.88
Ridicule faced at being last up The Devils Chimney - £12 round of drinks
Full English Breakfast by a roaring fire - Priceless
There are some things that money cant buy
But for everything else there are pounds shillings and pence.


Although the weather is still too cold for most people not to be able to turn off their TVs and venture out, the weather has been good for cycling.
Dry with light winds.
So as long as you are wrapped up well there are some miles to be had and I have been trying to get them in.
This Saturday saw the Anglo Mules have their first training ride of the year and it was democratically decided that we should have a challenging climbing route to sort out the Christmas puddings from the salad bowls.
My singular vote was as useful as voting Liberal democrat
I certainly came in the Christmas pudding category having to bully my burden up every incline.
This endeavour caused much merriment with my fellow salad bowls who seemingly had the ability to pedal, laugh and make up fattest jokes - all at the same time.
I was just shattered.
Whether it was the pull of gravity or the fact that I had already cycled the previous 5 days I don't know, but my legs and lungs were fighting to have their say on proceedings.

I had the presence of mind to not raise the issue of my previous weeks toils.
To do so would have been futile and only encourage more ridicule.

At one point it was humorously pointed out that it was in fact a 'good thing' that I had not brought along my Heart Rate Monitor.
The general consensus was that the readings alone could have caused my old ticker to stop.

To make matters worse I got two punctures.
Last year I had none.
In the summer you can almost get away without having tyre leavers. In the winter you need a full wheel brace !!!! applied with glove less hands.
By the time you have finished your hands make perfect beer coolers.

The second puncture came after we had assisted some cyclist up in the wolds who had multiple punctures and had run out of inner tubes. He and his partner were given two of ours.

The net result of this was that my second puncture (Thankfully a slow one) could not be remedied directly.
It meant that every half a mile I had to stop and pump my tyre up.
I had to chuckle to myself as I thought of Johan Bruyneel jumping out of his Radio Shack car and inflating the teams tyres as they rode in the Tour de France.

Despite the Ridicule, the sweat the exhaustion, and despite the mechanical it all seemed incidental when we had our post ride breakfast with some important hydration.
The fact that I had broken through 400 miles for the month of January in our coldest winter also warmed my spirits.

Beer and Toast................................................Why not I ask you ?????

I did not count these calories so don't snitch on me !!!!!

Me and Cav

If I said that me and Mark Cavendish have so much in common people might laugh but the fact is it is true.
We both ride Scott bikes
We could never be called tall
We a currently both described as 'a bit heavy' by some commentators
We have both had a recent crash
We both can travel really fast on a bike. Him - on the flat, me - down hill with a gale behind me.

But it does not stop there,.....No !!!!!! We have both spent some of today weaving our bikes through traffic as we try to get to our destination.


Brendon Gallagher from the Daily Telegraph reports on his twitter page

The incident occurred after police opened up road to the public once the main peloton had passed.

"I did the whole last lap on open road, you had to stand on all sides of the thing and stop for traffic," said Cavendish.

Stage three included a rolling 12 mile circuit the riders had to negotiate three times and Cavendish, patched up after his crash on stage two, trailed in 12 minutes behind winner Rabobank's Michael Matthews. Simon Gerrans of Team Sky finished fourth.

Race director Mike Turtur said an emergency meeting would take place to find out why Cavendish and other riders had to negotiate through traffic to finish the stage.

"We've had a policy in place whereby the green light vehicle is the last vehicle on the road behind the last rider, for 13 years," said Turtur.

"For whatever reason, our understanding is that green light vehicle was called forward of the Cavendish group with about 10 kilometres to go and we don't know the reason why.

"Until we know how and why, I can't make any further comment - but it's not the policy we've had in place for 13 years, it's never happened before. It's not good, but sometimes these things happen. We'll be meeting as soon as possible with police."

Before the start of stage three, Cavendish had dismissed any thoughts that he might retire from the Tour Down Under.

"It is my job, I have got to do it, whether I had a crash or not, " he said.

"That's what separates bike riding from other sports. It is your job to get up and carry on with the race, and find out what's wrong later."

Poor old Cav.....I'm sure both our seasons will get better with some more miles on our legs.

Knowing when to sloe down

On Friday night I had the most intriguing dream .
It was one of those that was so lucid that you really believe it is true.
I was on a train that had just pulled away from a station and realised that I had left my cycle on the platform.
The train was crowded with people standing and I frantically battled towards the conductor to plead for him to reverse the train.
Rather than laugh he replied 'Ok Sir I will see what we can do'
Rather disgruntled all of the other passengers gave a huge grown and stared at me.

Thankfully it was at that point that I woke - up never knowing whether I was to be thrown out of the window or reunited with my bike.

Not wanting to leave anything to chance I got up and ran downstairs to be comforted by my ever faithful 'Ralph' (Ralph the Ridgeback Tourer). He had subtly propped himself up against the radiator, not missing a trick for some additional warmth I noted.

I also noticed outside that the road was dry and the that the temperature was above zero.....just !!!!!!!
This meant that there was no real excuse to not go out riding, not even using the 30 mph winds outside which were trying to break an entry into my house.
So we set off - Me, Simon and Bobby on the first 'Anglo Mule' training ride of the year.
We decided on a circular Route to ensure that the wind would be able to have a good go at 'all sides' of our over-stretched torsos.
As Simon had already completed 13 miles Cycling from Driffield to Beverley, we decided to include Driffield on the way home via some compulsory climbing around Lonsborough and Water.
For 'anybody' standing roadside, even the blessed a village idiot, it would be easy to reckon who had enjoyed Christmas the most.
Not for the fact the he spent most of the day lagging behind.
But due to the Rotund form, blowing red cheeks and red coat - yours truly was surely an honoury member of the St Nicholas appreciation Society.

As we approached Driffield the Heaven opened and Bobby and I were persuaded to take some shelter and have a warming cup of Coffee.
We had already completed 36 miles so I felt we were deserving of such an excursion.
As we sat in Simon's conservatory the rain mocked us, playing solemn tunes upon the glass panes above, in readiness for our departure.
Sensing the mood change Simon asked Bobby and I if we wanted to try some of his Sloe Gin that he made for Christmas.
Now Booby is a Scotsman and as such he believes that to refuse a drink from your fellow man is worse than sleeping with his wife.
I of course agreed and within a few short moments the red silky liquid was more than a match for the transparent stuff outside.
As I took the final mouth full of my second glass I politely enquired as to whether Simon knew the local train times.
It was as subtle a question as I could muster but nevertheless Simon saw right through it, as he topped up my glass.
There is something quite odd about drinking alcohol after prolonged vigorous exercise.
Its like being in a video on the 'stages of inebriation' with the button pressed on fast forward.
One second I was taking my first sip and before the minute hand had travelled a mere 180 degrees I was giggling like a teenage boy in church.
Bobby and I both agreed that the train idea was actually quite a good one and we toasted the concept with another glass and discussed the general merits of locomotives with our respective tongues firmly planted in cheeks..
After wobbling our way down to the station we attracted much mirth from the fellow travellers.
Two over 50s gents, seemingly respectable yet giggling with rudden faces and smelling like moonshine..................very curious and before Noon no less.

We had to wait for ten minutes for the train to come and when it arrived I stumbled towards the door, like a Hobo joining the soup kitchen line.
Bobby my dear friend then reminded me that I had set off that morning with Ralph and that it would be a shame to leave him in the station.

Cyclist falls from the skies

At the start of the week I was very alarmed to hear about thousands of birds falling out of the sky in Arkansas and other similar events happening all around the world.

My blog site also took a dip as the word 'birds' surged to the most searched item in search engines.

Religious bloggers soon loaded their own sites with Bible verse, Hosea 4:1-3: "The land dries up, and all who live in it waste away; the beasts of the field, the birds in the sky and the fish in the sea are swept away."

My main anxiety was not from being hit on the head by a 'Pythonesque' blackbird, but from the omens that such an event may portend.

It even made me look at my Christmas presents in a completely new light.

I got a T shirt that depicted a man falling from his cycle

I also got a funky new cycle helmet .....Were these signs too?

In a state of near paranoia I visited York just after Christmas I noticed a bike that appeared to have been thrown in the river.

The culprit probably was unaware that the river Ouse was frozen and the cycle lay bruised and broken suspended on the surface, there for all to see and to haunt him.

Was this a sign for me too ? Did it for tell an impending cycling disaster?

I certainly was not going to take any chances !!!!!

On New Years Day I cycled ......... very tentatively

On the 2nd day of the month....... just tentatively

On the 3rd day my caution was fading

My the end of the week I scoffed with cynicism of 'The signs' that I had previously encountered and cycled with gay abandon.

My exuberance masked my senses and I failed to register the odd slipping sensation coming from the chain.

Today I set off as usual at 6am in darkness with an icy road -3 degrees c.

After about 5 miles and whilst travelling about 20 mph the three images ambushed me.

My chain snagged in the derailleur, which sheered off and tangled within my back wheel.

I had two options:-

Crash right and be hit by a car

Crash left and cross my fingers

I opted for the second one and was dispatched from my bike just like in the picture.

At that point my helmet came into play as my main impact was on my head an shoulders.

Then thirdly as i looked around I saw my bike suspended on a film of hard frost.

Spooky !!!!!!!

Anyway I had to take a day off work and take bike to bike hospital.

New rear wheel and new rear derailleur system which hurt me far more than my head.

So the moral of the story is if blackbirds fall in Arkansas make sure your helmet is on tight

Tidings of comfort and Joy

I received this Christmas offering from Ed Thompson who is a reader of my blogsite.
Ed works for freshnetworks who have produced something quite spectacular.

Anyway I will let them continue the story.

'At this time of year, what better excuse to get people out of the FreshNetworks office than a synchronised cycle ride round central London dressed as Father Christmas? And all for no reason whatsoever, apart from the fun of it.



Tourists thought we were delightful, cabbies called us a menace and the police tracked our every move – convinced that, at any moment, we might start a student protest.

With mince pies in our bellies and iPhones strapped to our Boris Bikes we tweeted all the way to Buckingham Palace. Arriving just in time to catch Prince Philip who stopped his car to ask what we were up to and to wish us a Merry Christmas all round.

Thank you Barclays and thank you Boris. We love your bikes. And thanks to Asylum Films (our favourite London production company) for making the movie.


Cheers Ed..................to you all at freshnetworks

All I want for Christmas ............

As the winter weather continues to keep us locked in its frozen jaws, I have finally conceded defeat in my attempt to cycle 6,000 miles this year.
Even if the snow and ice were to miraculously disappear, I would still need to seek further divine intervention to rid me of my current 'medical affliction', before I could remount my two wheeled steed. Fortunately I have gratefully avoided winter bugs and colds for some years now.
I find it frustrating when work colleagues feel they need to stay at home every time they are forced to buy some tissues.
You would not get that from me !!!!!!
I would literally have to be at deaths door with the old 'grim reaper' the other side pretending to be delivering some late Christmas post.

......... when I have had to take time off my ailments have been far more serious.
For the past two years I have obviously had pneumonia but still went in. Alas this year I am sure that I must have swine flu which I cant beat off.
It has probably lay dormant in me since my visit to Texas where it had blown over from Mexico and lodged itself in my cycle helmet. There is no other rationale explanation.

Thankfully tomorrow sees the arrival of the winter Solstice or the shortest day of the year.
After that the days get longer, each one after the another and boy will I be counting.

The actual celebration of the winter Solstice is seen as more important than the Summer one as if if effectively the start of natures 'cycle' - I knew Id get the word cycle in somewhere.

The Saami, indigenous people of Finland, Sweden and Norway, worship Beiwe, the sun-goddess of fertility and sanity. She travels through the sky in a structure made of reindeer bones with her daughter, Beiwe-Neia, to herald back the greenery on which the reindeer feed.

On the winter solstice, her worshipers sacrifice white female animals, and thread the meat onto sticks which they bend into rings and tie with bright ribbons. They also cover their doorposts with butter so Beiwe can eat it and begin her journey once again.

All I can say is that its a good job Beiwe and Santa travel on separate nights as things could get a bit messy.

Anyway on to the more serious stuff . If I cant cycle at the very least I can think about cycling and more importantly next years events.



This year will see some new events I and The Mules will be completing.



June 6-8th 2011 Inclusive.
Morecombe to Bridlington following the Roses Way from the west to the East Coast of England.

26th June 2011
Flat out in the Fens -112 mile Sportive across eastern England.

9pm 9pm Friday/Sat 8th/9th July 2011
Charity 24 hr challenge for 'Help for Heros' cycling for 24 hrs with a prise for the sponsor who selects the correct mileage for the event.
We have decided to organise this ourselves around East Yorkshire.



27th August 2011
Anglo Mules trip to USA where Karen and Simon will be joining Joanne and I in competing in the 30th Anniversary of Hotter than Hell 100 miles Sportive.



4th September 2011
Manchester 100 mile sportive.



Now all I want for Christmas is lots of Cycling gear, a tape worm to lodge in my digestive system for a couple of months and the temperature to get above freezing on Christmas morning !!!!!!


I dont ask for much...........................



Merry Christmas to all readers , see you on the Road.