Onions

I would not really call myself a softie, however there have been moments in my life where tears have spilled from my eyes. The birth of my children, watching various mushy films and peeling /chopping onions.

The last one I accept is not really crying, there is no pain or deep emotion, its just a chemical reaction that takes place between the onion vapours and your eyes.

I have actually found a cure for this - wearing diving goggles, really, it works!!!!!!!!!

However if your Kitchen can be viewed my neighbouring houses you may wish to avoid this one and just weep instead.

After my ride today I have added another crying episode to my list. It is one which captures both pain and some essence of emotional trauma.

It is 'frozen feet'. Something I don't seem to be able to cure. Certainly wearing diving goggles does not prevent the tears on this one, although staying with the same theme, a full wet suit might just hit the mark.

I could even combine both wetsuit and goggles and cycle with bunches of onions around my neck like some aquatic Frenchman.

At the start of the day things seemed promising. The temperature had risen from negative digits to a mild 1 degree!!!!!!! The novelty had frankly made me feel quite giddy, although I was not quite ready to splash out the sun block.

Opening the front door supported this decision making process, as I was introduced to some new elements.

Fine, freezing and persistent drizzle.

You know the sort of stuff that finds gaps, especially through your overshoes.

No matter what I wear, when its cold my feet freeze, and when its cold and wet,it increases the potential for tears.

After 42 miles I could not feel my feet.

This is not some usual literary exaggeration, I mean I really could not feel my feet.

I kept on having to look down towards my pedals to make sure that they were still there.

At one point I flirted with a pothole and heard a loud clunk.

I nervously looked down and counted both feet as being present.

It was such a relief.

I truly believed that the sudden impact may have caused them to snap off and wondered what I might do if I was forced to stop suddenly.

It was so bad that each time I stopped at a junction I felt as if I were placing two stumps on the ground. On setting off, I had to visually place my shoes back into into the cleats to make sure that they didn't drag along the road.

Although my feet were completely numb my toes were not.

They felt as if they had been dipped into a deep fat fryer.

I must add at this point that I have never placed my feet in a deep fat fryer, I also suggest that any experimentation in physical empathy would be fool hardy, but I do imagine the pain from such would be similar to how I felt.

The wincing pain really brought tears to my eyes...........

If anyone has any solutions for cold feet, I would love to know, otherwise its on with the wetsuit

People might call be Jaques Cousteau