Coast to Coast - Day One

At 5am on Monday morning seven Anglo Mules and our driver congregated around our 14 seater minibus . It was comforting to know that the capacity of our carriage was greater than our requirement on account of our luggage.

I was the clear winner of the heaviest load and it was suggested that I ought to be accompanied to the local weigh bridge by 'abnormal load' out -riders.

The humour was not totally lost on me as the 0.9 mile journey from my home to the pick up point usually a sedate affair demanded the lowest cog of my triple chain set.

When stationary it was similar to handling a large motor cycle, unless the bike was balanced upright there was the perpetual threat of toppling over with the ensuing crushed legs and bruised ego.

With no cycle rack or luggage space available it was always going to be a challenge to arrange the bikes inside the vehicle. Thankfully the collective minds of years of high level decision making soon came up with a solution.

The side door was slid open, the bikes minus panniers where randomly thrown in and then the vehicle was rocked from side to side.

Once the bikes had settled all the panniers were scattered evenly on top with a layering of blankets.

This successful recipe created the availability of 2 spare seats up front and 5 in the rear, which was all that was required. The bikes took up the rest.

I sat next to Dave our driver and old friend who had set up his own transport business after retirement.

On our three hour journey to Morecambe I was intrigued to know who had previously used these seats and subsequently heard the Confessions of a Mini bus driver.

I listened in awe as one of the tales included him hearing the sound of a rattle from the rear of the bus.

The sound emerged 20 minutes after dropping a family off at a local airport and belonged to a baby who had been left behind. By the time Dave had got back to the airport and found his errant passengers they had not even noticed the void in the pushchair !!!!!!

After hearing all the tales it was apparent that our bikes fared well in both style and behavioural ratings, however they scored badly in their conversational ability.

We got to Morecambe at about 9 am and were greeted with a strong chilly north westerly blowing off the sea and making us all dash for our coats, whilst smiling at the prospect of a tail wind.


We soon set off down the banks of the River Lune towards the imposing Ingleborough on the distant horizon which is one of Yorkshires highest peaks. This was our gateway to Settle and onto the Yorkshire Dales. The Roses Way cycle route was well sign posted and tracked a route along cycle paths and beautiful country lanes. Alarmingly this also included a section from Clapham to Wharfe which was soon daubed 'boulderville' It consisted of a green lane which ran through a darkened tunnel and along a mountainside. Although it was outstandingly beautiful and offered zero traffic, It also presented a higher risk of punctures, broken bones and broken bikes. If you have a mountain bike fine but for tourers or road bikes great caution is required and if its wet I would strongly avoid.
The climb out of Settle would have been extremely challenging if unladen on my carbon road bike, but fully laden on my tourer it was always going to be a tough ask. I had previously descended this beast during the white rose classic so knew of its perils.

In the early part of the climb I had settled on steady but slow tempo, my only chance.

One of my fellow Mules gratefully overtook me whereupon I politely advised him that he should keep his powder dry.

Some 100 meters later around the bend I overtook him. He had dismounted his bike with his legs trembling like a worried dog. No dry powder I noted. I managed to get two thirds of the way up before I realised that I was running out of places to dismount gracefully. Seeing a gateway ahead, breaking the line of dry stone walling I sensed a lifeline. Instinctively I aimed my slow moving crawler right at its heart and launched myself onto its horizontal bars.

Pushing my load up the remainder of this MOUNTAIN was no bed of Roses (Pardon the Pun). If the summit had not arrived when it had I was about to jettison everything but my wallet, water and wristwatch to lighten the load.After a short rest and saturation of panoramic brilliance my spirits where lifted and my heart rate able to drop to a sustainable level. More importantly the panniers were undisturbed.

With the prospect of fine food, ale and rest we pressed on to Grassington and the Forrester's Arms. I love using my blog to promote cafes, places of interest and hostelries but The Forrester's Arms found no favour with me. The staff were rude and unfriendly and Id rather eat my food in a public latrine. Resourcefully we still sourced fine food and ale before closing our weary eyes on our first day.

The Autumnal Equinox

Last week was momentous.
It saw me break 5,000 miles for the year and have my 10,000 visitor to my blogsite.
It also saw the arrival of the Autumnal Equinox, where hours of darkness now become greater than hours of light. Its sad to think that the days of wearing shorts and a cycle jersey will soon be deferred to at the least next April, unless of course its in a gym.
This is usually the time that my bike gets put away apart from the occasional guest appearance at the 'odd' good weekend.
This double entendre is very apt in that winter weekends of good weather are both rare and peculiar.
Late September, early October is also the time I start eating really bad things..................You know the ones that taste fantastic, but weigh twice as much inside you, as they did in the packet.
This year has been a great year for my cycling.
After a slow start, I had a rude awakening with the MS150 immediately followed by the Natchez Trace.
By July I was really getting some form and when I took part in Hotter than Hell and Manchester 100, I was as fit as I have been for years.
On reflection its frustrating that I could not have been as fit in Spring as I am now, if that had been the case I could have taken part in far more events, but more importantly enjoyed them.

The old saying 'Make hay when the sun shines' certainly rings true here.

There are a number of reasons for not embracing the more trying seasons on a bike.

Some are real - Ice, snow and winter gales.

Some are excuses- Its too cold, dark and miserable, my feet get frostbite, by bike will get ruined, its not enjoyable !!!!!!

When I discussed these matters with 'La Patron' (My benevolent brother Paddy)
He accepted the real reasons, but had answers for the others.
Too cold- Wear more clothes
Too dark - use lights
Too miserable - State of mind bros 'suck it up'
My feet get frostbite - get better shoes/socks
Bike gets ruined - get a winter bike.

As his 'super domestique' on American rides he does have a vested interest in my fitness.
The fitter I get, the greater incentive he has to do likewise, and if he is not quite up to scratch he has the wheel of a willing mule to suck on all day long.

So when I pleaded poverty as a further excuse he very kindly offered to fund some two wheeled 'retail therapy'.
As the days have now suddenly got shorter It seems that I have also shortened my brothers savings account.

Over this weekend my summer speed machine was put away for the winter and I went shopping

I am now the proud owner of the following :-

Ridgeback Horizon Tourer
The Ridgeback Horizon is a multi-purpose mile-muncher. The only frame in the range not using steel, this frame is made with double-butted aluminium tubes and is coupled with a carbon fibre fork to give a light and responsive road machine. The transmission is provided by Shimano Sora, a recent arrival at the 9 speed party, using a triple chainset to give a massive range of gears. High spec 25mm Continental Ultra Race tyres sit neatly beneath the full length chromoplastic mudguards. Seat stay and drop-out lugs mean that any rack can be easily fitted.

With its mudguards and rack mounts the Horizon is an ideal sportive or Audax ride. (The Audax organisation used to rigidly enforce a rule that all entrants were obliged to have mudguards fitted - although now at the event organiser's discretion) These features also make it naturally a fast, light tourer or commuter, easily carrying a pair of panniers and a bar bag. The Horizon's third and no less important role is as a winter or training bike for roadies. Ridgeback is one of the few brands that offers a road bike that you can realistically use through the British winter. If you're a keen or competitive road rider this bike is an essential addition to your stock, allowing you to continue year round preparation without sullying your best thoroughbred.

Seal Skinz socks
To keep my plates (Plates of Meat - Feet) as warm as Toast


Some new Sidi Shoes - Mega
Which provide extra width so you can avoid frostbite by moving your toes !!!!!
With that out of the way I only have the Ice, snow and winter gales to contend with.
Bring it on !!!!!!!!!

'Flat out in the Fens' with no rear wheel

As we enter the last week before the start of The Tour de France I have been reading about Lance Armstrong's preparations on his Twitter and the Radio Shack site. He has been having a look at some of the climbs he is about to endure by riding them.
Not wanting to be outshone by Lance I decided that I too would have a look at my course for The Flat out in the Fens Ride this Sunday gone.

Riding the course seemed a bit excessive to me, so I persuaded my good friend Colin to take me up in his Aeroplane for some aerial reconnaissance.

I already appreciated the Course would be flat, very flat but by this method I would be able to get an idea of the road widths, traffic etc.
Airborne reconnaissance is hungry work so after a few loops around the area I was to ride Colin elected that we might stop off somewhere and have breakfast.
That appealed to me as I was in my Carbo loading mode.
I am not sure that a full English breakfast fits that criteria but that's what I had at a beautiful Fenland airstrip near Holbech.


When we took off to leave, the Air traffic tower called us up.
They usually do to bid us farewell. This time there was a level of anxiety in the transmission.
'Golf-Alpha-Papa..............When you took off something fell off your plane'

My basic knowledge of these things was that everything that might be attached to the plane was actually required for some reason or another.
The props propelled us, the wings guided us etc etc......
The radio crackled again.......'Golf-Alpha-Papa..........we have found your rear wheel on the airstrip......in fact the whole unit has come off'
To make things worse a student pilot had just taken off for her first Solo flight and was doing a short circuit prior to landing.
She was told to circle the airstrip.

Colin remained as Cool as Ice and interjected ......'the student should land prior to me as if anything happens she may be stuck with a closed runway.

Closed Runway !!!!!!!! I did not like the sound of this.
Colin continued 'I will do a 'wheeler' landing once the runway is clear'

As Colin banked the plane around I did not think it would be appropriate to ask too many questions.
He did however look at me and tell me to tighten up my harness as tight as possible and then proceeded to explaining how to get out the plane quickly in case it caught fire.
I listened intently.

He came in very low and very fast.
At one point I asked him if he was going to fly 'above' or 'below' the electric pylons that we were fast approaching........I don't think he answered me.
As we got close to the Airstrip I saw the firetrucks moving and nearly swallowed my tongue.

The landing was terrifying I thought that we were going to flip over in a cartwheel as the plane surged forwards on the grass strip. Finally he let the unprotected tail drop and we shuddered to a stop. WOW !!!!
Up until that time Colin had been Mr ICE, but now I could see his hands shaking.


We had to leave the plane at Fenland and get a lift home......I was quite happy with this more traditional form of transport even if it did take hours.


The Ride seemed a bit of an anticlimax in comparison.

Mark did exceptionally well in his first sportive of 112 miles and I don't think he will ever complete on in such temperatures......Well not in this country. It was far hotter than last years 'Hotter than Hell' in Texas and many participants were suffering.
After deciding that we would spend the day as 'wheel suckers' our pride got the better of us and we had some long stints at the front pulling.
What is clear to me is that there is no substitute for miles in the bank. Although I am still heavier than this time last year....I am so much fitter and now look forward to a proper Hotter than Hell challenge in August with the American Mules.

Embrace the inner loser in you

About a month ago I was returning home from work on my bike.
It was Friday evening and there was a large group of teenagers gathered on street corner next to some traffic lights I had stopped at.
They were smoking, drinking and the males were jostling for position of 'Alpha status' in front of their female counterparts.
With the lights remaining at red for some time their attention seemed to be distracted to myself.
A 50 year old overweight male dressed in Lycra on a road bike.
With my Head phones covering my ears they may have mistakenly believed that their conversions may not have been registered with me.
Why would they think otherwise in their eyes my age may have also determined that I was also deaf!
One of them turned to his girlfriend and sniggered saying look at that 'fat bastard on the bike', this caused them all to laugh, some instinctively, some through peer pressure.

I am not that sensitive to be effected by the immature posturing of a teenager, but if it had not effected me in some way I would not find myself typing about this incident now. I guess I was a bit hurt.

Yes I do struggle with my weight. In the Winter I am FAT, this winter I got very FAT.
But by the start of the summer I slim down to ensure that I can hold my own in the sportives that I enter.
This year I have given myself a new goal. To trim down, get very, very fit and to maintain that throughout the winter.

So what of these kids.......well my retort was simple.
I removed my sunglasses and fixed the gaze of the offending Neanderthal, and spoke.
My voice was calm and monotone
'When you have finished your fag and supped your cherryade would you like to race me up to the top of Westwood (A local climb) I am happy to wait, maybe your buddies might like to join in too.........(I was now on a roll)
In fact if you want an even chance maybe you could form a relay team, because looking at you, I expect you will be blowing out of your arse after about a hundred yards.

The girls laughed, not at me but at him and their potential suitors.......needless to say nobody took up the challenge.
Last night and 16 lbs lighter i pulled up at the lights again and there was the same group.
They all put up there hands with an appreciative greeting, all apart from the previous 'rude boy' who still looked as sheepish as he did when I last saw him.

Over the next few months I have two major bike rides.
Flat out in the Fens 112 mile sportive on 27th of June In the fenland's of Lincolnshire, and Norfolk.
And Hotter than Hell in Witchita Falls, Texas at the End of August.
The latter is the ride that I will try and peak for, and between now and then I will continue to get fitter and faster and hopefully thinner.
There maybe days I don't want to train and days that I want to depart from my healthy eating schedule.
But as long as I move forward it does not matter.

As Theodore Roosevelt stated 'In the Arena'

It is not the critic who counts;
not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles,
or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,
whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;
who strives valiantly;
who errs,
comes up short again and again,
because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;
but who does actually strive to do the deeds;
who knows the great enthusiasms,
the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;
who at the best knows in the end
the triumph of high achievement,
and who at the worst, if he fails,
at least fails while daring greatly,
so that his place shall never be with those
cold and timid souls
who neither know victory nor defeat.

Hotter than Hell 2009 (L to R :- Me, Paddy).

Slow moving depression

Being an Island the UK has a number of different weather systems that influence that our climate. We have the cold Arctic systems from the North, weak Continental systems from the east and in the Summer we have warm south and south westerly systems from the Azores and the Mediterranean.
At this time of year things get more reliable, often reliably bleak.
We tend to get a succession of westerly systems from the Atlantic.
They usually come in the form of low pressure systems called 'depressions' - how apt.
They are usually served up with ample helpings of wind, bucket fulls of rain, cool temperatures and various degrees of cloud cover.
Not beautiful cumulus clouds highlighted by Technicolour skies - but monochrome.
Blanketing us with all the various shades of grey.
This seems to be reflective of my current mood.
I would like to blame it on Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), but sadly it runs deeper than that.
Since I got back from America in September I have experienced some personal problems.
These have completely dampened my enthusiasm, not only for cycling but for everything.
The wheels of my bike have become stationary and my cycling clothes have seemingly shrunk as I have piled on the pounds with comfort eating, and more wine than is either necessary or appropriate.
I have tried to commit the Mules to some events next year to give me a focal point, but there own weather systems provide a year round facility and for them 2009 has not yet finished.
At the same time my blog has suffered too.
My weekly tales have been replaced by Videos and articles cut and pasted from cyberspace. Literary apathy prevails.
To compound things further I have lost the charger to my Camera so I cant even post any pictures.
Oh woe is me.

This morning I was reading my favorite cycling blogs one of which is
'Change your life ride a bike'
The answer was there in front of me.
Change your life Philip and ride your F**king bike!!!!!!
So today I did 22.82 miles, a short but challenging route with a few tough hills thrown in.
Hardly something to crow about, but I loved it.
The last time I rode I was wearing sunblock, today I was wearing multiple layers of clothes including long fingered gloves.
During my short trip I came across numerous cyclists.
They were all strangers to me but the customary acknowledgement seemed more pronounced.
Each nod, wave or greeting seemed to be more enthusiastic.
It was as if they all knew of my recent inactivity and welcomed me back into the fold.
Although I have lost some of the fitness I built up in the Summer, it was not as much as I thought it might be, and now I may have stopped the rot.
The thing about these depressions is that they eventually push through and somewhere over the Atlantic there may just be some fine weather.